did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
