you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize