dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
