bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
