I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize