Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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