i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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