Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh god it's open bar.
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