Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
