Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
