dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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