oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
