I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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