She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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