you traded sex for a burrito?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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