If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
