just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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