my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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