ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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