i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize