Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
