I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
