I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
