That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
