I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
