i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
