i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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