East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
