listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
