finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
