Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize