Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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