The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They have beer where we have blood.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
