i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
