You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
