There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize