anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
