Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
