Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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