four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
