She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
