my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
