Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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