just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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