Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
