your room smells of hookers.
And success
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize