I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
