I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
