Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize