no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't deserve a penis
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
