I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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