Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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