in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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