Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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