I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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