I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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