Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
