You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize