you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
