***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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