his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
