I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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