Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize