I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
