just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How's work?
Spinning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize