Buhtt sex?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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