Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
