just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
