people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
