remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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