WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
