just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
