How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
