the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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