I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
