Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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