you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
