Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
