just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
