I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
