Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
