I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There's even glitter on my cock...
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