i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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