I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
