When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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